


My letters to You

by Tory (Ejes)



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: And even occasional jokes, Angst, Epistolary, Friendship, Hope, Letters, Nostalgia, The RoD sounds boring, and so lonely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-04-17 07:36:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 8,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14184078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ejes/pseuds/Tory
Summary: Alone in the Realm of Darkness, Aqua finds some paper and a pen. She therefore decides to write letters to the people she loved... And to those she hated.





	1. 01. Terra

Dear Terra,

I am not really sure why I am starting writing letters. Or why my very first one is for you. But here we are.

Today is my 20th day in the Realm of Darkness. I can't be sure it really has been twenty days, but at least I slept twenty times.

How are you doing? I hope you are fine. All I know is that you have made it to the Realm of Light. I know how strong you are, and I am sure that by now, you have found a way to overcome Master Xehanort's power.

I am doing good, which is quite a surprise. Turns out I don't have to eat or drink anything. I don't really get how this is possible, but food is so scarce (truth is, there is no food at all) that I am glad things are that way. I'm doing my best to keep my spirits up. I am sure I will soon find a way out, and find Ventus and you. This world is full of dark creatures, but I haven't seen any that I couldn't beat yet.

I miss Ven and you a lot. I miss the days we would train together without having to worry about a thing. I miss our Master, too. I wish things had gone differently. I really miss you.

I found shelter in an empty house, this is where I found the paper and the pen. I'm wondering if that means that there were people living here once? I'd rather not think of it, or I'll start wondering what happened to them. There isn't much light, so I put a Fira in a glass to be able to see the paper. I hope it won't attract any more of the monsters. My deck is full so I'm not really concerned about them, but this place looks nice to sleep in and I don't want to go looking for somewhere else.

I'd better sleep now. Tomorrow, I will explore a new path. Hopefully it will lead me to a safer place. Or outside. Outside would be good.

I could also try to find a postman that would deliver my letter to you. That would be really nice, I suppose.

See you soon.  
Yours, always,  
Aqua.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic was meant to be only posted on tumblr, but in the end I'm posting it there as well. It is a collection of short letters that will come out every Monday, until Aqua runs out of paper or I run out of internet connection.  
> Also, most of them will be "raw", ie there won't be any author note. Might be some sometimes (because I am a chatterbox), but not every time.


	2. 02. Ventus

Dear Ventus,

 

If you are reading this letter, it means that it found its way to you, and that you are awake, which are both incredible news. In case I am not here when you are reading this, know that I am glad to know you are safe and I wish I could hug you real tight right now.

Before anything else, I would like to apologize. All I ever wanted to do was to protect you, I’m sure you know that, but I think I did it the wrong way. Back then at Radiant Garden, I should never have been so rude to you and ordered you around. I should have listened to you and explained things calmly. If only we could go back in time… I don’t even know when I would want to come back. Back to Radiant Garden and set things right with both of you? Back to the Mark of Mastery Exam, and fail the test on purpose so that Terra would never follow the wrong path? Or even before that, so that I can enjoy some more peaceful days? I’m sorry I messed everything up. I’m sorry for being guilty of everything that happened. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you.

All I am hoping now is for you to be safe and well. I hope you have found Terra too. I hope the three of us are together. If you chose to hate me, I could totally understand and I won’t be blaming you for that.

I am quite getting used to my life in the Realm of Darkness. Ironic, isn’t it? I have fought Darkness my whole life, and it is now my whole life. When I wake up, I do some bits of exercising, jogging mostly, when it is not running for my life. I then start exploring a new path. Sometimes it is a dead end, sometimes it leads be back to where I started. I don’t think I could even draw a map of this Realm, it feels as if roads were changing overnight. I walk for hours, until I can find a place that looks safe enough to sleep. This is where I write letters. I still have a few potions left, and the monsters drop enough HP for me not to use them. Also, they drop some munny, which is quite surprising because there is no shop. Have they stolen it from the Realm of Light? When we will meet, I will be the richest woman in the worlds. I will buy you tons of ice-cream. I’m not hungry, but I miss the taste of food. I miss real baths, too. I’m using water spells for a rough cleaning up, but once I’m out of here, I will drown myself in a bathtub for a whole week.

Be sure to wash regularly, and brush your teeth every day, okay? And no sugar before going to bed.

 

Hope we will meet soon.  
I love you.  
Aqua.


	3. 03. Terra

Dear Terra,

No big surprise, but I couldn't find any postman. Maybe I could tie my letters to the neck of one of these creatures, and hope they find their way to the Realm of Light? But I don't really trust them. And I tend to destroy them at sight anyway, so I would just risk destroying my own letters.

It has been three months (again, based on my own, non-accurate calculation) since my last letter to you. I wrote to Ven, too. Maybe you read that letter together. Since I have no idea how long I will stay here, I'd rather not use all my paper too soon.

Not much happened, really. Not much ever happens. It's pretty quiet, once you've learnt how to hide yourself from the monsters. Perhaps I could try to tame them? Get one as a pet, train it to watch over while I sleep. I would call it Fluffy, like that one bird we had when we were kids! … Yes, I am aware it's a stupid idea. But really, it gets pretty lonely around here. I often find myself speaking out loud just to remember the sound of my voice.

I'm starting to forget yours, though, and this is really painful. If I focus enough, I can still remember you saying a few things, such as "You're such a girl, Aqua". You know, I would give everything to hear you say that again, even though it annoyed me a lot the first time. I would give everything to see you. To be able to touch you. I guess _everything_ is just not enough, though, is it? Ven's voice is easier to remember. He was quite the chatterbox, after all. But when I try to remember your faces, I cannot picture you without these scary yellow eyes anymore. I can't picture my face much either. I sometimes catch my reflection on things, or on water, but it's always a bit distorted. It looks like my hair isn't growing either. I wouldn't have minded having it a bit longer, for a change. See what face you would make. Did you know I've kept it short since that day you stuck a chewing-gum on it and Master Eraqus had to cut the lengths? You said I looked good with short hair. I know you probably said that so I wouldn't be sad (or too angry at you), but I've decided to keep it short since that day.

You won't notice, as this is a letter, but I had to stop writing and hide for a while. While most of the monsters are pretty weak, there are big ones too. One I can handle, but there were four of them out there, so I had to turn the Fira off, and hide somewhere, concealing my Light as much as I could. I don't want to die here. I've got so much to do outside. I still have to make things right. I hate this place, it is cold and dark, and I feel trapped, and you know how much I hate that feeling. Before, I used to let a light on somewhere before going to sleep, but I can assure you that once I'm out, I won't turn off any light, _ever_. I can almost feel the Darkness crawling on my skin.

But the monsters are gone now. I should be safe sleeping for a while. I hope you will get this letter.

I miss you everyday a little more, Terra.  
With love,  
Aqua.


	4. 04. Master Eraqus

Dear Master Eraqus,

I probably shouldn’t be writing to you, because I know this letter will never reach you. But I couldn’t face writing this for Terra or for Ventus.

I am not alright. I am scared, Master. I am terrified, I want to leave this place as soon as possible. I don’t even know how long I spent there, and at this point I’m too afraid to know. I am cold on the inside, and no Fire spell could ever warm me up. I haven’t moved in three days. I just don’t see the point anymore. Some days, I just wish the big monsters find me. It would be easier, wouldn’t it?

Fear is one thing. If there was only fear, perhaps I could go on. But loneliness, on the other hand… My reflection is the only friendly face I saw in months. There is no more you stroking my hair until I’d fall asleep after a nightmare, just like when I was a child. There is no more Terra wrapping a blanket around me and making me some tea without asking any question, just like when I was a teen. There is no more Ven cuddling up against me and telling me silly jokes, just like when we were still a family. I have no tea, no blanket, no funny story. I only have silence, and it is very hard to bear.

What would you do if you were there? I’ve always looked up to you. I always thought you had all the answers, that you knew the best thing to do in any situation, because you were a Master, and that’s what Masters do, right? It feels like I haven’t read thoroughly the manual. I am a Master too, and I have no idea what to do. I have no answer. Since I became a Master, I feel even more helpless than before.

You’ve always wanted to protect us, and you did all you could. I am sharing the same wish of protecting Terra and Ven. Is it a Master’s curse to sacrifice themselves to protect those they love? I would gladly give my life for them, without even thinking about it. But I fail to see how my demise in this place would guarantee them a safer life.

I don’t want to die, Master, but I don’t know if I can keep on living either. It’s just so hard. Too hard. I don’t want to die. I want someone stroking my hair so I can sleep. I want a blanket and a hug. I want cheering up and stupid stories.

I want Terra and I want Ventus. I want to see the sun. I don’t want to die. I want to see them.

Funny how writing to you actually made me feel better. Could your spirit still be watching over me? Could it be you are stroking my hair right now, patting my back until I feel better? Thanks a lot, Master. I’ve made up my mind. I will keep going on. I will keep fighting. I will keep looking for a way out. I will see them.

Always your little girl,   
Aqua.


	5. 05. Ventus

Dear Ventus,

 

Happy Birthday!

 

I cannot know when you will read this letter, but I will probably have missed at least one birthday. Let me tell you how proud I am of you, and how grateful I am for these years we spent together. Do you remember when you first joined us? You weren’t much talkative, and you looked like a ghost. Now that I think of it… I realise it’s because you were missing an important part of you. Half of you. I remember that Terra and I were really worried about you, and we were feeling bad because you passed out because of our questions. But as time went by, you opened up to us, turning into that cheerful and wonderful little brother that we cherished.

Do you remember the last birthday we celebrated together? We had that huge chocolate cake, and you managed to get chocolate all the way up to your forehead. You even had some in your hair. When night came, we built a hut with chairs and blankets, and we told you many stories from when we were kids. I can recall that you called our Master “Pineapple Ogre” for weeks after that. We then fell asleep in that hut, huddled up together. You told us this was the best birthday of your life. I’m sorry I can’t be here for your birthday, but I promise you, we’ll have an even better one next time. I’m talking about a gigantic chocolate fountain with an all-you-can-eat buffet. I’m talking about telling you Terra’s most embarrassing stories. I’m talking about a pillow fight and sleeping until noon. I’m pretty sure you’d like all of that. And what about Terra’s birthday? What could we get him? You are in charge of thinking of something that will make him happy. You know, I was half considering getting him a pet. We know how much he loves dogs!

I can’t wait to see how much you grew up! I’m sure that by now, you must be taller than me. I think that I’m not ageing down here… What if you looked my age? Older than me? That would be really strange. Having an older little brother, can you imagine? But as long as you are fine and healthy, this is fine with me.

Do you still have your wayfinder? Mine sometimes start glowing for no reason. I’m hoping that’s a good sign. Some days, I pray that it means that you are thinking about me.

 

I can’t wait to see how much you grew up. Don’t grow up too fast, though, okay? Please remain my little brother a bit longer.

 

Missing you more every day,

Your self-proclaimed big sis.


	6. 06. Terra.

Dear Terra,

 

I think I’m going crazy. A strange way to start a letter, isn’t it? But it’s true. I’m starting to have hallucinations. The Darkness is getting to my mind, and I hate that. Or maybe it’s just the lack of food that is finally showing some side effects? Given the fact that it’s probably been more than a year now since my last meal (I would never have thought that this snack bar would be the last thing I’d eat), it wouldn’t be that shocking.

Anyway, I’m seeing things I shouldn’t. Most of the time, it’s you. Or Ven. You sometimes are lying on the ground, dead or dying. Sometimes blaming me for not saving you. Every word stings and hurts and destroys everything in me, but I try to focus on the positive: these are means versions of yourself, probably created from my guilty mind, but at least I can see your faces, hear your voices. They aren’t real and I can’t touch them, but I’m learning how not to listen to them and to pretend, even for a minute, that you are just here, by my side. I’m trying not to get affected by these words. I’m not really good at that, but I keep on repeating to myself that if this is really what you are thinking, what you want to tell me, then you will have to tell me in person once I’m free.

My Ventus hallucination is harder to deal with. I know I did all I could to save you, but his words are sharper. He tells me that I didn’t just destroy Vanitas, that I destroyed them both. That I had no right to destroy the one that was half of his heart. That I abandoned him in an empty place where no one could ever find him. If I am to die in here, then he will die too,  because I only can release him. But while his words feel like a dagger stabbed into my heart, it also gives me the strength to keep going. He is right. No one but me can free him, and that means I have to get out of there. I cannot fail him. Not again.

The craziness aside, I am doing quite well. Once you get used to this place, I suppose you could call it pretty? I mean, there are creatures trying to kill me at every corner, my own mind is producing hallucinations destroying my self-confidence and I haven’t seen the sky in forever, but it’s got its charm of its own. All these places, I wonder if they used to be real worlds? There is this one place that keeps on appearing, and it would have been a lovely place in the Realm of Light. I can see the reminiscent of a fountain, and even a lighthouse. I can even climb up to the top of the Lighthouse, and it’s giving me a feeling of somewhat safety: I can see all that is coming and I’m out of reach of many monsters. The smaller ones are starting to lose interest in me. If my path crosses theirs, they will still attack, but I don’t think they are tracking me as much as they did before. Do you think it could be because my light is fading away? Because they are treating my as one of theirs now? This is scary to think about. The big ones are still after me, though, so at least that means I’m not complete Darkness by now.

 

I don’t hear them rattling anymore, so now might be a good time to sleep. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? I have yet to find a way to send you these letters. I hope you’re thinking of me at least half as much as I’m thinking of you.

 

Say hi to everyone we knew for me, please.

Until then,

Aqua.


	7. 07. Vanitas.

To Vanitas,

This is one letter I hope will never find its way to its recipient. But if it does… I don't know. You can read it, you can burn it, you can ignore it or you can make fun of me. This is fine.

I wanted to tell you that I don't hate you. You have taken much from me, but you won't get my hate. I don't even know that much about you. I know you and Ventus are two halves, and I am not sure I really know what this means. A simple version would have been that Ventus was the good side and you were the bad side, but I've had a lot of time to think about that (a lot of time) and I think things aren't that simple, are they?

Ventus wasn't always good. He would be jealous, he would be angry. He sometimes showed an attitude that we disliked, talked back to us and cried. If you are his other side, doesn't that mean you could feel generous, you could be happy? That you were able to respect people, to speak kindly to them, to laugh? I have thought a lot about that, and I have this theory that you might not be as bad in nature as I thought ; that you could just have been misguided somehow. Ventus turned out the way he is now thanks to the love he received, so what if the way Master Xehanort treated you made you the way you are?

This does not excuse most of what you did. You still tried to kill me several times, and your Unversed created chaos and fear in many worlds. Your actions were still despicable. But I don't hate you for that. All I want is to understand. Understand why you would do all of this, understand if you have willingly chosen that path, or if that was the only path you've ever been offered. I am tired of judging without truly understanding. This was the path my Master followed, and I think this wasn't the best one.

After all this time spent in the Realm of Darkness, I have come to understand that not all Darkness is bad. Even in the depths of this Realm, I can still find beauty, flowers glowing in the dark, peaceful creatures who won't attack me. I would like to think that you, too, have peace within your heart. You being Darkness doesn't mean you are bad.

Maybe in another life, under different conditions, we could have been friends. I would have done my best to show you the so many paths there are, so that you could chose yours freely.

But this isn't another life. This letter isn't a request for us to be friends if we ever meet again. This letter isn't a forgiving one either. I will never forget that me being stuck in this Realm is partly due to you. This letter is simply a proof that I don't hate you, and that I feel sorry I judged you for this long without even trying to listen to your story. This would probably annoy you even more, but you won't get my hate. If we are to meet again, and you want to speak, I will listen. I really would like to know more about you.

Hoping that one day, we will be able to understand each other's point of view,  
Aqua.


	8. 08. Terra.

Dear Terra,

 

I am sorry.

I am sorry I didn’t trust you as much as I should have back then. I am sorry I didn’t listen to what you had to say. I am sorry I blindly obeyed our Master without questioning him. I am sorry you felt I was spying on you.

I am sorry I brought troubles to you when we were younger. I am sorry I brought even more troubles now that we are older. I am sorry I couldn’t save you. I am sorry I won’t be able to save you.

I am sorry our lives have not been easier. Sorry we can’t go back in time, go back to being children, go back to being free.

I am sorry my Wayfinder is just a useless piece of stained glass. Sorry I couldn’t give you anything that would have been more useful in this mess of a life we had. Sorry I won’t be able to tell these words to you. Sorry this letter won’t ever reach you.

I am sorry I turned into a Master. I can’t help but think that this is all my fault, that I started it all. Sorry I couldn’t stop Ven from running after you, sorry that I couldn’t save him either.

If you are trying to find a way to save me, if anybody is, I am sorry for all the time that will be lost because of me. Let’s face it, I’m not going out. I don’t know how long I’ve been there, a couple of years perhaps? If there was a way out, I would have found it by now. The only logical conclusion is that there is no way out. I’m sorry for all the worry I could be causing to anyone. I know these words will never reach anyone, but just in case: stop looking for me. It’s not worth it. I don’t want anyone risking to be locked here because of me. By the time you find this letter, I might be no more anyway. Just give up and go back to your usual life.

And, more than anything, I am sorry for these words that would hurt you, could you ever read them: I will probably die pretty soon anyway. This is the only way for me to be free. I have done all I could to keep faith, but what is the point? I’m not going out. I can’t die of hunger, of thirst, of exhaustion, so I could keep on living the way I’m doing right now, walking for hours, fighting for my life, but I just don’t see the point in that anymore. 

Next time one of these huge creatures is going to attack me, I don’t think I will fight back. I will just wait for the end to come. I will welcome death, because this is the way to my freedom. So I’m sorry, Terra, because there are words I would have wanted to tell you, words that I could only tell you in person, words that I will never tell because telling them now would only make your pain worse. Thank you for all these years we spent together. I will cherish them even long after my Light is gone.

 

I could never apologize enough for hurting you so much,

Farewell, Terra.

Aqua.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /!\ Next letter might not be out on Monday, due to me moving in to a new place where I might not have internet, however, don't worry, that is NOT the last letter~ As I can schedule posts on tumblr, it will be released there (plumedesimili) next Monday at noon GMT+1 if you want to read it on Monday.


	9. 09. Ventus

Dear Ventus,

How are you? These last three months have been really tough for me, but I’m getting better.

To be honest with you, I had been feeling incredibly down, my mind clouded with dark thoughts. For three weeks, I stayed in the same room, sitting on a bed, waiting for my end to come. But it never came. The monsters have lost all of their interest in me, if they don’t see me, they won’t attack. So after three weeks of waiting, I finally decided to move again. And my path finally led me to one of this huge creatures, to the end I was waiting.

As you can guess if you are reading that, I did not die. I suppose my mind saved me. It had been a while since the last hallucination, but I must say this one appeared right on time. I would love to say that it was you, or Terra, or even the Master, but it wasn’t. I was on my knees, eyes closed, waiting for the monster to attack, when I heard a voice. “So this is it, then. Giving up already? Who knows, you could have found the way out just tomorrow, but I guess you’ll never know, now. Such a pitiful loser.” I wouldn’t have expected my mind to create an hallucination of Vanitas, but it did and it was probably the most clever move. Had it been you, or Terra, I probably wouldn’t have listened, because hearing your voices would have just doubled my guilt. I didn’t expect Vanitas, I listened to him, and his words actually gave me strength. I found that in the end, I just couldn’t let myself die that easily.

It isn’t the first time I am this close to giving up, and I know it probably won’t be the last either. But that fake Vanitas was right. I can never know what tomorrow will bring. The best way to live down here is to live from day to day. If you can’t find the way out today, then tomorrow might be the day.

I want you to know that I will do all I can not to give up. I still have to find you and give you a bear hug, right? That would be quite terrible if I didn’t.

I’m getting a bit sick of all these crawling dark creatures and their yellow eyes. I’m getting really sick of yellow eyes, as a matter of fact. I’m even starting to miss the Unversed! They came in a much bigger variety than these. And with colours. Here it’s only dark ants-like, dark balls-like, dark-everything. I’m starting to forget what colours look like. I think I haven’t see anything red, or green, for ever! What does green even look like? I am not sure anymore. All I can think of are shades of dark blue, with an occasional tinge of purple. If you gave me crayons, I’m not sure I could draw a tree with the proper colours anymore.

And sounds. I’m starting to forget about a lot of sounds. I can remember your voices thanks to the hallucinations (and I am not even sure this is how you really sounded like, how could I know?), but what about other sounds? I can’t tell how a bird chirping sounds like. What sounds a dog makes when it barks. I can’t even remember what the fox says! How does it sounds when the wind whistles in the trees? Was the sound of a fork against a plate that annoying? WHAT DOES A SHOWER SOUND LIKE? (no actually this is the one I’d really want to remember while standing under the said shower).

At least I haven’t forgotten how to write, and I feel blessed for that. I don’t write often to save paper, but it makes me feel better every time.

Hoping to hear all these sounds I’m missing really soon, especially your voice,

Aqua.

PS : the Realm of Light will sound so noisy to me now!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry for posting this with a delay. I moved in last weekend, and I won't get internet at my place until tomorrow evening~ (Using the internet connection at work to post this) See you next week for the next letter! (or sooner for another fic)


	10. 10. Terra

Dear Terra,

 

I miss you now more than ever. My dreams often carry me to a place where we can be together, sitting on a bench, peacefully chatting. I wonder if we’ll be able to do that once I’m free. I miss the taste of strawberry pie. I don’t even recall the taste of strawberries, which annoys me more than it should. I sometimes even tell myself the recipe out loud, closing my eyes and picturing every single step. But when I open my eyes, there is no pie whatsoever. I can’t even cook the monsters here, they disappear as soon as they are destroyed. I suppose eating Darkness isn’t a good idea anyway, even if you season it, but what could really happen to me that isn’t worse than what I’m currently going through?

Any distraction would be more than welcome. I’m a bit tired of playing tic-tac-toe against myself on the dusty ground. I win all the time. I wish I had a book or something, but there isn’t anything as such. The only thing I can read are these letters, and truthfully, they are so depressing that I’d rather not.

By the way, my last letter to you was really terrible, but I’m much better now. Bored, but better, so don’t worry.

I realised lately that I remember a lot of nursery rhymes from when we were young. I’m sure even the monsters out there know them by heart by now, I keep on singing or humming them all the time. It feels pretty nostalgic. My favourite one is the  _ Three Little Lights _ that the Master taught us once. Do you remember it? It talks about three little lights in the sky, who sometimes weaken, or are hidden behind thick clouds, but who will never stop to shine, no matter what. As a kid, I liked it because I thought the lights were really brave, to keep on glowing even when there was no one to see them. Now I like it because I think we are these lights. No matter how dark it is, we must keep on shining, so that we will find our way to one another. It’s really dark around and I have troubles finding that way, but I won’t lose faith. And I will find you.

You know, I just had another hallucination while writing this letter. The fake you is still standing there, in front of me, as I’m writing these words. I read him my letter, and he shrugged and said ‘Whatever’. I’m not sure if it really is a meaner version of you, or if you really wouldn’t care about this. Last time I made you something, you actually ended up mocking me, so… (and that is probably harsh to tell you this after all this time and through a letter but I really would like an apology for that comment of yours, I know I said before that I missed it, and yes I would love to hear you say that if that means that I can see you again, but I would love even more a “I’m sorry for having made fun of you, Aqua”, truthfully.)

I’m getting used to seeing you with silver hair (well, the fake you), and I don’t think I really dislike it. I’m missing the original dark hair, but silver actually brings some light to your face (even I can get the irony in this). So if you can’t get your original appearance once I’ve saved you, don’t you worry, it looks good on you. I can hardly imagine anything not looking good on you, though.

It’s time for me to move. I don’t know when I will get some time for the next letter, I’m planning to run non stop for as long as I can, and see where it leads me. Hopefully it will have a good outcome.

 

Take care of you, and I’ll be sure to take care of me,

Aqua.


	11. 11. Eraqus.

Dear Master Eraqus,

Writing to you while being in a bad mood is probably a bad idea, but it's not like you will read this anyway, and after spending so long alone, I think I deserve a bit of anger from time to time.

Today wasn't a good day. I slept longer than I should have and woke up surrounded by monsters. I lost a shoe while running and it took me a long time to get it back. I fell and hurt my knee, and even though I Cured it, I still limped for a while. I have no one to talk to, nothing to do, I am bored and exhausted. I'm not saying that I want to give up, no. I want today more than ever to leave this place that I hate so much.

You told us that hate was the road to Darkness. Let me assure you that Darkness is actually the road to hate. I couldn't care less about having Darkness within me right now. Now that I think of it, I think that Terra had Darkness within him forever. He was still my best friend. You taught him to reject himself, to hate what he was. You know, I think that if you helped him control it, rather than just act as if it was filth, we wouldn't be where we are right now.

Terra had some Darkness in him, what of it? I'm sure I do too. I'm sure most people do have some in their hearts. Does that make them bad persons? A Fire can burn villages, or it can light up a fireplace in a warm home. A Blizzard can freeze people to death, or help people in the hottest summers. If Magic isn't by essence good or bad, why would Darkness and Light be? If we want to preserve the balance, shouldn't we accept Darkness as well? What is the point in pretending that Light is only good, when your obsession for it hurt Terra, hurt Ven, and hurt myself? Don't get me wrong, you've always been a father to me and I love you. But I still disapprove some of your teachings. The second Terra learnt he had Darkness within him, he probably thought that you would see him as a failure, that you would hate him. And that's what he started thinking about himself. I wish the outcome would have been different, and of course I would never, ever pretend that you deserved the fate you met (my heart is shattered and I know it can't ever be fixed, I miss you so much), but I think Terra didn't deserve your judgement either. You did your best to raise us equally, but you wanted us to be the very same, and as Terra went astray, you just turned your back instead of helping him. I should have done something too, I am very aware of that, I am not trying to run away from my responsibilities. But I've still a chance to fix things, and you don't. Terra will never hear you tell him you are proud of him, and he will always live with the doubt and the fear that you hated him for who he was.

I know you loved us, Master, but sometimes loving someone isn't enough. What we needed was your help. Your support. An unconditional support.

I am sorry if these words may sound harsh. I am sure I will regret them soon. It doesn't mean I don't love you, it doesn't mean I wouldn't do anything to see your smile once again. It's just that a bit of honesty doesn't hurt sometimes, especially when keeping it on the inside eats you up. I am feeling better having said it all, even though it's just on paper, even though nobody but me will ever know about these words.

Now I'm just going to sleep, and hopefully tomorrow will be brighter.

I will never hate you, no matter what,  
With love,  
Aqua.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't post that yesterday as it was planned... The KH3 trailer we had received was a bit... overwhelming, especially when it comes to this fic XDD The 3 trailers were amazing, and we've got a release date (post Christmas, my only disappointment :'( ) so this is really great! The hype is stronger than ever now (even though I only slept 2h tonight to watch the Sony conference and I am now really exhausted xDD )


	12. 12. Master Xehanort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Father's Day, a letter for the man who could have been a really... special father.  
> Posting this early as I will be gone next week!

To Master Xehanort,

 

You know what? I wrote a letter to my Master about two weeks ago, because I was angry and needed to get that anger out. But it hasn’t done much since then. So I decided to write to the real source of my anger, you will have guessed it, this is you.

Now this is one letter I’d like to see reach its recipient. Because I think you should know how much I hate you, how much I will always hate you.

“I wish I could see you again”, did I write to Terra. Well, I wish to see you again too, Master. To see you and to thrust that Keyblade of mine right into your chest until you stop breathing.

“I would have liked to know more about your story”, did I write to Vanitas. This doesn’t go for you. If Vanitas is as old as Ven, he is just a boy, and I believe he could change. You are old, old enough to know perfectly what is right or wrong and to decide by yourself on which side you want to be. You made a choice, and I despise you for that, I always will, and I couldn’t care less more about what tragic story could have possibly led you here.

“Hate only leads to Darkness”, our Master kept on telling us, and I talked about that in my last letter for him. I’m already surrounded by Darkness, so I guess I’m pretty safe to hate all I want anyway, and all of that hate is towards you. Every single bit of it. I don’t think I’ve ever hated someone before. I’ve been angry at Terra and at my Master when I was a child. I’m still angry at Vanitas. But hate? Never in my life have I hated someone before meeting you.

You made my life a living hell, and ended up sending me living in hell. You killed my Master, and you took Terra away from me, you manipulated him, you tried to kill Ven, and I don’t even want to know what you did to him before he joined us, his terrified screams for help when he was having nightmares were more than enough. You are a monster, the worst that could ever exist, and whenever I see any of these creatures out there, I realise that there is none that I could ever hate as much as you. They’re not doing harm because they want to, but because that’s the only thing they know, and that’s the difference with you. The very same way, I take no pleasure in destroying them, I’m only doing what I have to do.

Well, my Master wouldn’t be pleased to read that, nobody would, but I can promise you that I won’t feel the slightest regret once you’re gone. I might even be really pleased. And I’ll be even more pleased if I am the one ending you.

Stay away from the ones I love. You will pay the price of your actions, I will make sure of it.

 

I’m actually waiting for the day we will meet again, as this will be your last day.

I hate you.

Aqua.


	13. 13. Ventus

Dear, sweet Ventus,

 

I hope you are doing well. I hope you are awake, I hope you found people to help you. I wish I had more paper, to draw this world I’m evolving it. It is the Realm of Darkness so it pains me to admit it, but it is beautiful, and I would love to draw this and show it to you.

On second thoughts, though, I’d rather not. I don’t want you to start thinking you should come over. Don’t you put a foot in there, Ven. It is dangerous. It is beautiful, but so is fire, and you wouldn’t put your hand in fire, now, would you? 

I sometimes think about the people I met on my journey to find Terra and you. How is Mickey? And the Queen Minnie? I feel bad I haven’t written them anything. If you see them, tell them I said hi and wish them well. I’d like to go back to Neverland, too. I am a bit concerned about all of these children without supervision. I hope they are okay. Would you mind checking on them? We didn’t have the chance of speaking too much about this place, but I’m sure you love the idea of a place where you can fly and where there is no adult, don’t you? Even if we are worlds apart, I still can tell, you can’t lie to me.

I don’t know how time flows here, but it’s getting pretty long. I’m longing to hold you in my arms. 

There were these other children I met, too, now that I think of it. What were their names again? That little girl in Radiant Garden is probably much older now. She had a lot of Light in her, and I gave her the power to find help if she ever needed it. I hope she never used that power. I hope she is safe and is growing up into a very fine lady. There were these two boys, on Destiny Island, too. Sora and Riku. Terra had given Riku the power to wield a Keyblade. Maybe you have heard of him? I wonder how he is, now. He wanted power to protect his friends. Who knows, maybe he even will protect me, in a way? I seriously doubt it (I doubt anyone will even care to set me free given no one knows I’m here anyway), but a woman can dream. You probably never heard of Sora, though. I refused to give him power, because I have learnt that wielding a Keyblade isn’t a gift, but a curse. So by now he should be enjoying his life as a regular child, and this is for the best. You should enjoy life as the teenager you are, too. Make some new friends, go to the beach with them, have ice cream together. Don’t let your youth be stolen away. Don’t follow our own mistakes.

I wonder if I should bring souvenirs with me from the Realm of Darkness? I wonder what I would pick. Maybe it’s best if I don’t bring anything back, actually. I wouldn’t want people to believe I’ve grown attached to this place. It’s true that I spent a long time here, maybe even longer than my time in the Realm of Light, who knows? But home is where the heart is, and my heart is by your side. By Terra’s side. Home is wherever you are, and you are not here. I should have brought souvenirs from the Realm of Light instead. All I have is my Wayfinder. I still hope that it will lead me to you one day.

Until then, Ven, take care of you. I don’t know if I’ll be able to write another letter to you, and I’m almost sure you won’t ever read it. Take care. Be safe. Remember that I’ve always loved you and always will, and that all I wish for you is to live a happy life. Don’t dwell on the past ; make the future brighter instead. I’m counting on you.

 

I love you so much, and will forever be proud of you.  
Wishing you all the best,  
Aqua.


	14. 14. Terra.

Dear Terra,

This is my last letter. I have only one other piece of paper left, and I am keeping it for a very specific purpose. These words might be the last ones you will ever read from me.

Funny how these words now sound really important, and yet I can't find the right ones to pick. I don't know how much I should tell you. I don't know how much I should keep silent. I don't know which feelings I should let you know and which ones I should keep to myself.

I am tired. I am scared. I am sad. I am angry. I am alone. I am worried. I am hopeless. I am done. And soon, I will be gone.

How many days have I spent there? How many months? How many years? Will you be grey and old when you read these words? Or will you only be ten minutes older? Will you ever read them? Will you even know who I am? Will I still be alive?

But I want you to know that I am also happy. I am grateful. I will not give up. I still pray that one day, I will find my way to you. Our Wayfinders aren't called that way by coincidence.

I will always cherish my memories of you. The good ones, the bad ones, the happy ones and the sad ones. You are the reason I keep fighting. You are my goal. I am not a quitter. I have many things to tell you and I intend to tell them.

Dear Terra, I have no idea what words should be the last I might ever write. There are so many words, so many possible combinations, how could I be expected to know which ones are the most fitting ones? I would like to find some that would make you happy, and not sad.

Do you remember that day when we were kids, and I got lost in the forest? The Master and you looked for me for hours, while I was trying to find a way out, going deeper in there instead. When you found me, I was crying and said I feared I would never find you again, that I would die in there. You took my hand, shrugged and said that was stupid, because no matter where I was, I would never be lost, because you would always look for me, and you would always find me. I still believe in these words. And do you remember that big nightmare Ven had? He woke up screaming, and he told us that he dreamt we had abandoned him. We promised we'd always be there for him, because we would never leave our loved ones behind, and we slept together in his tiny, one-person bed. Everyone had sore backs and necks in the morning, and yet it was the most peaceful night we had in months.

We are a family. The Master is gone, but you and Ven are still my family, and I won't let anything or anyone stopping me from finding you. Our lives are connected, and this is something I want to believe from the bottom of my heart.

I may be scared, I may have doubts, and I may not use the right words, but be assured that I strongly believe that one day, we shall meet again. These are the last words I'll ever write to you from the Realm of Darkness. But there are many more that I am to write once I'll be out.

My story isn't over, and neither is yours. Our story has yet to be written.

This is goodbye, but this isn't farewell. My most important feeling isn't written on this letter, so if you are curious about it, you will have to ask me in person.

I can't wait to let you know.  
Always, always yours,  
Aqua.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is posted later than usual, my apologies. I am trying really hard to complete my costumes for Japan Expo and that leads to a really tight schdule XD  
> There is a final letter, coming after this one. Hopefully I will be able to bring some crazy news alongside the chapter~


	15. 15. You

Dear stranger,

If you find that letter, I am most likely dead, physically or mentally. This paper is the last one I had, and I intend to keep this letter with me, to explain who I am.

My name is Aqua. Well, Master Aqua, to be precise. I am a Keyblade Master, student of the late Master Eraqus. If you do not know what a Keyblade Master is, let's just say that our duty is to protect the balance of Light and Darkness. I did not have much time to work on that, though, before a terrible person, Master Xehanort, threw me in this place.

I hope you will get more lucky than I am. I hope that you are not trapped here, that you will find a way out. If you do, could you please do something for me? See that as a desperate woman's last wish. You will probably find close to this letter a pile of fourteen other letters. These were written to my friends, mostly, and I would really like them to be delivered to them. If you find a way out, could you please give them to someone who knows about Keyblades and Worlds? If you ever hear about a man named Master Yen Sid, or the King Mickey, they will know what to do of these. I am still praying that these will reach out to my friends, even though I am no more.

Dear stranger, there are a lot of things I would like to tell you. I have lived a life that I used to believe was righteous, but I have made mistakes along the way. Do not repeat them.

Communication is the key. It is alright to have doubts or fear in your heart, but be sure to always tell your loved ones how you feel. Misunderstanding led me here. Cherish your loved ones. Never give up on them. Don't assume you know what is best for them, but always aim for their happiness. Learn to forgive. Remember that strength isn't the ability to fight, but the ability to love.

And please, remember my existence. Remember that there was once a woman, a woman who lost it all, but who kept fighting to the very end. A woman who doubted, a woman who feared, but a woman who refused to give up. If I died, I couldn't keep to some of my promises, but never once have I given up on them. If you are, in a way, trapped in here too, don't give up either. Keep faith. There is a place with a beach and some water, and I could feel that the Light was stronger there ; give this place a try, and maybe you will succeed where I failed.

Dear stranger, thank you for reading this letter. Thank you for likely being the only one who knows what happened to me, even when I, myself, don't know it as I write these words. The path to the Realm of Light is very well hidden, but I have faith that you will find it. You might find around a star shaped charm as well : this is my WayFinder, and it might help you out.

Have a safe journey, and take care of yourself.  
May your heart be your guiding key,  
The late Master Aqua, Keyblade Wielder and Guardian of Light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. The last letter. The last paper. Thank you for having followed her journey, her years of fears, of doubts, of hope, of anger and of love. Will her letters reach through? Will she be able to give them in person? Has this letter just been written, or has it been found on the shores of the Realm of Darkness? This story is up to you to decide.
> 
> Keep in mind that this fic, this chapter was written BEFORE we had that E3 trailer. In a way, that made these letters more painful to read than what they were meant to be - because now, they feel more real. Thank you to anyone who stopped by to read these chapters, either weekly, or later once the fic is complete. I hope you enjoyed.
> 
> Side, boring note: I got to play the KH3 demo last week (Toy Box & Olympus, check out similianonyme on tumblr to know all my thoughts about it) and it was amazing, the game is absolutely beautiful. I cannot wait for January to get my hands on the full game.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for stopping by, Tory out!


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